Thought this up a couple days ago, but I was... distracted you might say by some upsetting news roundabout Tuesday evening. Y'know... that whole thing that actually ended up making me blow the dust off my blog and give a rant about.
Actually, there's been a couple versions of this buzzing around my brain for the past little while, so this is me finally unloading it I guess.
Unlike my accident story, this is fictional...
AS FAR AS YOU KNOW!!
*********************************************
One... Two... Three...
In a house there is a room.
Seventy eight... Seventy nine... Eighty...
In the room there is a girl.
One hundred and twelve... One hundred and thirteen...
In the girl, there is an obsession.
Three hundred and ninety four... Three hundred and ninety five...
An obsession for counting. A drive. A need. But she'll never see a psychologist. She'll never be given pills to kill the need.
Because she knows. She knows that if she doesn't count every brick, the sun will not rise. If she doesn't count every tick of the clock, the seas will boil. If she doesn't count every word in every book on every shelf, men will go blind and mad and fill with blood-rage. If she does not count the change in her pockets, babies across the land will be still-born.
She has no name. She gets no sleep. She never eats a meal. Perhaps she has no need to, or perhaps these base instincts left her, overcome by her need to keep on counting.
Many, many years ago, she got confused and skipped a floorboard. The story is still told to horrified listeners around campfires. Not so long ago, she counted a face freckle twice. Even in her remote home she heard the sound of screaming, saw the empty void in the skies where the stars should have shone, out her one lone window.
One thousand, five hundred and twenty... twenty... twenty seven? Eight? Six? It get so hard to tell, which hairs she has and hasn't gotten to yet. But she shrugs it off and starts over. One... two... three... Oh well, people are resilient, she thinks. Some day they'll learn to do without cows.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Days like this, I'm kicking myself for so aptly naming this blog...
So I was nervous about breaking out the blog again until I had more interesting things to say. I'm sure this will continue to be a regular practice for me. Truth be told, even with the questions I'll be facing in my daily classes, I doubt I'll have anything so novel to say on the subject that I'll just have to take time outta my day to blog about it on top of whatever assignment I might also have to do for said class.
So it's a mixed bag. On the one hand, you get to hear only about the stuff that I'm actually passionate about, or that I find truly important. On the other hand, it means this won't be a terribly regular thing. I'd like to give a metaphor here that doesn't just equal me being a lazy-ass blogger, but I'm afraid nothing's really coming to mind. Ah well.
I often to my best thinking in the shower. I'm sure this is true for many. Unfortunately, I forget to chronicle these thoughts when I first have them, so you're getting the rather muddled version of those thoughts, after the entirety of my day has filtered them through about a hundred times. Since my shower, I've done laundry, had Hebrew Bible class, gotten hooked on a stupid internet meme/urban legend thing on YouTube, written two short papers, and watched a few episodes of South Park.
But as I got up this morning, I remembered that today was the day DADT ("Don't Ask, Don't Tell") was being taken to the Senate to be voted on. In the past few days, Lady Gaga had already said her peace (I may not be a fan, but the speech was pretty epic), and the news has already killed the story before it began. It was mornings like this where I hated myself for the cynical approach I've maintained as of late. Because I already knew that with just the Democratic senators needed to repeal DADT, we didn't have enough power. And the two Republicans who had even a slim chance of deciding to vote in favor of repealing it as well (the ones to whom LG's speech had been addressed) were already recorded in the news as having decided to side with the Republicans.
Now my heart is not some shriveled up little raisin that was once a shiny grape of hope. But I think at this point in my life, I've come to recognize that - especially when it comes to politics - there's very little hope of some crazy, last-minute change fixing everything. I hadn't even realized it until I went to shower this morning, but I think before really researching the chances of it happening, some of my hope was tied up in the repeal of DADT. But throughout the day I idly looked things up while waiting to hear what the results of the Senate vote would be. And I already knew that we would likely have a filibuster on our hands.
I submit to you that I would rather have had a solid vote against repealing DADT. Because a vote to retain it would at least mean that there is a solid point of view that we're rallying against. And then I saw this.
We are not fighting people who adamantly oppose gays in the military (and if it's not too difficult of a stretch, the same could be said about gay marriage - in fact, just assume I'm broadening my argument at this point).
No. No, instead we are fighting something much more frightening. We are fighting the middle ground. I'm quickly coming to realize the issue with taking a stance on the middle ground 100% of the time - and anyone who knows me really well knows that this is one of my most favorite stances.
Lady Gaga indicated in her speech that homophobia was at the heart of this issue. And to some degree that's true. But worse than that, it's a fear of offending anyone. Yes, there are those who simply don't like homosexuals, and my bet is that they're more in the minority than anyone thinks. What I see as the true evil here is the indifference and the moderation.
I see senators afraid to stand up and say what they feel, because it might lose them more constituents than it will win them.
I see soldiers afraid to stand up for their gay and lesbian counterparts, because they're afraid of alienating their homophobic counterparts at the same time.
I see citizens afraid to call and e-mail their representatives to express their thoughts, because something better is probably on television.
This filibustering technique is not some kind of "victory" on the part of proponents for DADT. It is not a sign that the military is an other-world where homophobia is okay (as some people have argued in the CNN.com discussions).
It is a sign that those in charge would prefer childishness to actually making a decision, to sitting down and having a real conversation (I repeat). And I do honestly believe that now. What is filibustering but a dickhead move that delays the conversation? And what are we waiting on?
A goddamn survey. A goddamn survey that isn't even terribly good, and is arguably biased.
So we're just gonna... what? Sit down and cross our arms and pout, wait until December, so that a biased survey can tell us what we already know? Here's my prediction. The survey comes out, and the results are pretty inconclusive, but it can be spun to point out that (at a conservative estimate) 25% of those in the armed services would feel "uncomfortable" knowing their fellow soldiers are gay/lesbian. And in order to comfort those 25%, we'll keep right on filibustering and delaying and pandering to the minority with the loudest megaphone. And until we can find a spokesperson that doesn't feel the need to wear a meat dress to make a point, I just don't see DADT getting repealed with any ease any time soon.
Please, dear God, let me be wrong. Because I find no joy in being able to say "I told you so". In fact, I would dare say it burns a little knowing I was right. So please, please, please, dear sweet Lord, let me be so wrong. Because I can't go losing my faith in humanity right now, I just can't.
So it's a mixed bag. On the one hand, you get to hear only about the stuff that I'm actually passionate about, or that I find truly important. On the other hand, it means this won't be a terribly regular thing. I'd like to give a metaphor here that doesn't just equal me being a lazy-ass blogger, but I'm afraid nothing's really coming to mind. Ah well.
I often to my best thinking in the shower. I'm sure this is true for many. Unfortunately, I forget to chronicle these thoughts when I first have them, so you're getting the rather muddled version of those thoughts, after the entirety of my day has filtered them through about a hundred times. Since my shower, I've done laundry, had Hebrew Bible class, gotten hooked on a stupid internet meme/urban legend thing on YouTube, written two short papers, and watched a few episodes of South Park.
But as I got up this morning, I remembered that today was the day DADT ("Don't Ask, Don't Tell") was being taken to the Senate to be voted on. In the past few days, Lady Gaga had already said her peace (I may not be a fan, but the speech was pretty epic), and the news has already killed the story before it began. It was mornings like this where I hated myself for the cynical approach I've maintained as of late. Because I already knew that with just the Democratic senators needed to repeal DADT, we didn't have enough power. And the two Republicans who had even a slim chance of deciding to vote in favor of repealing it as well (the ones to whom LG's speech had been addressed) were already recorded in the news as having decided to side with the Republicans.
Now my heart is not some shriveled up little raisin that was once a shiny grape of hope. But I think at this point in my life, I've come to recognize that - especially when it comes to politics - there's very little hope of some crazy, last-minute change fixing everything. I hadn't even realized it until I went to shower this morning, but I think before really researching the chances of it happening, some of my hope was tied up in the repeal of DADT. But throughout the day I idly looked things up while waiting to hear what the results of the Senate vote would be. And I already knew that we would likely have a filibuster on our hands.
I submit to you that I would rather have had a solid vote against repealing DADT. Because a vote to retain it would at least mean that there is a solid point of view that we're rallying against. And then I saw this.
We are not fighting people who adamantly oppose gays in the military (and if it's not too difficult of a stretch, the same could be said about gay marriage - in fact, just assume I'm broadening my argument at this point).
No. No, instead we are fighting something much more frightening. We are fighting the middle ground. I'm quickly coming to realize the issue with taking a stance on the middle ground 100% of the time - and anyone who knows me really well knows that this is one of my most favorite stances.
Lady Gaga indicated in her speech that homophobia was at the heart of this issue. And to some degree that's true. But worse than that, it's a fear of offending anyone. Yes, there are those who simply don't like homosexuals, and my bet is that they're more in the minority than anyone thinks. What I see as the true evil here is the indifference and the moderation.
I see senators afraid to stand up and say what they feel, because it might lose them more constituents than it will win them.
I see soldiers afraid to stand up for their gay and lesbian counterparts, because they're afraid of alienating their homophobic counterparts at the same time.
I see citizens afraid to call and e-mail their representatives to express their thoughts, because something better is probably on television.
This filibustering technique is not some kind of "victory" on the part of proponents for DADT. It is not a sign that the military is an other-world where homophobia is okay (as some people have argued in the CNN.com discussions).
It is a sign that those in charge would prefer childishness to actually making a decision, to sitting down and having a real conversation (I repeat). And I do honestly believe that now. What is filibustering but a dickhead move that delays the conversation? And what are we waiting on?
A goddamn survey. A goddamn survey that isn't even terribly good, and is arguably biased.
So we're just gonna... what? Sit down and cross our arms and pout, wait until December, so that a biased survey can tell us what we already know? Here's my prediction. The survey comes out, and the results are pretty inconclusive, but it can be spun to point out that (at a conservative estimate) 25% of those in the armed services would feel "uncomfortable" knowing their fellow soldiers are gay/lesbian. And in order to comfort those 25%, we'll keep right on filibustering and delaying and pandering to the minority with the loudest megaphone. And until we can find a spokesperson that doesn't feel the need to wear a meat dress to make a point, I just don't see DADT getting repealed with any ease any time soon.
Please, dear God, let me be wrong. Because I find no joy in being able to say "I told you so". In fact, I would dare say it burns a little knowing I was right. So please, please, please, dear sweet Lord, let me be so wrong. Because I can't go losing my faith in humanity right now, I just can't.
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