What follows is a completely fabricated sermon for a hypothetical same-sex wedding. Of course I could have written a regular old wedding sermon for my class, but I figured, what the hell? Apologies for the slight cliche and schmaltz of the opening, but I was essentially making a bunch of stuff up, and the point wasn't to create a compelling narrative.
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Readings: Ruth 1:16-18, 1 John 4:16-21
I was pretty thrown when
Amelia and Katherine first came to me asking me to marry them. Not because I did not agree with their
decision, but because I could have sworn they were already married! They had been members of my church, an affirming
congregation in the heart of southern Virginia, for only a short while, and by
all appearances they could have passed quite convincingly (if you’ll forgive
the careless wording). They have a house,
a car, a beautiful son; they have laughing conversations and the occasional
spat; they volunteer at church – Katie leads Sunday school classes, Amy sings
in the choir – you get the picture. But
the evidence was right there in front of me the entire time. As my father loves to say, “if it was a
snake, it would’ve bitten you!”
No rings. Let it never be said I am an overly-observant
man.
So today we come to
rectify that. Frankly, my job is
embarrassingly simple. I am here make
legal and public what God has been doing for years – to join these two women
together in Holy Matrimony, a most sacred pleasure on my part. It is a formality, a ceremony not so much of
beginnings but of awareness.
It was nearly ten years
ago that the two met, and to hear them tell the tale is a bit like watching a
carefully crafted dance – passing the baton back and forth to ensure you get
every angle of the story possible. The
theatrical nerd in me is unsurprised to know that everything began with a
performance of Annie Get Your Gun, with Amelia as the titular lead and
Katherine the stage manager. Anyone with
a modicum of stage-familiarity knows that this should have been a formula for
disaster, but they made it work. How
else but by God’s guiding hand could an actress and a techie find love?
I will leave it to them to
tell the rest of their story, given that they’ve crafted it, naturally, to an
art form. Instead, let us turn our eyes
to two other love stories. They may
threaten to overshadow today’s ceremony, but I believe the happy couple will
understand.
First is the story of Ruth
and Naomi, a beautifully queer tale if ever there was one. There has been much speculation how to read
this tale of female-bonding, and I leave it to theologians more intrepid than I
to tackle the ins and outs of what is left unsaid. But there are some things we do know. Ruth and Orpah are Moabites who have married
into Naomi’s Jewish family. They are
outsiders. Things only become more
confused as, one-by-one, the women all lose their husbands. They are left alone, with no reason to remain
together. Naomi has plans to go back to
Bethlehem, and urges her daughters-in-law to go back to their own families in
Moab. They are young; they still have
time to find themselves proper husbands.
Both remain steadfast in their desire to stay with her, though Orpah eventually
loses her nerve and does as Naomi requests.
But not Ruth. Ruth “clings” to
Naomi – she knows all too well that there are some things more important than
state-recognized legalisms. Naomi is
family, and has been for ten years. What
good would it do to leave her after ten years of love? And
so they go together to Bethlehem, because the Lord is there, delivering bread
to his people as they die of starvation.
In spite of all the fear,
Ruth makes her declaration of unity. It
is one read at hundreds if not thousands of weddings, but it seems particularly
prescient today. Again, no speculation,
just the facts, ma’am. Ruth knew it,
Naomi knew it, Amelia knows it, Katherine knows it, I know it, all of you know
it – “what God has joined together, let no one separate”. Ruth refuses to let even the cold hand of
death be a deterrent to her destined love.
In light of this passage, I don’t think I could ever include “til death
do us part” in wedding vows ever again.
I hope you will forgive me
for getting political here, but there is a lived reality we must
recognize. This wedding is, in many
ways, an act of bravery. When all is
said and done, Amy and Katie, and many of us gathered here, will return back to
the wilds of southern Virginia, to a state that refuses to recognize the love
we now celebrate. Much like Ruth and
Naomi, their shared bond has no legal significance. They will be two women who are very close,
and that’s about it. The house and
car? Those are Amy’s. The boy with the unbreakable grin carrying
the rings? He’s Katie’s. In another state, they would be shared in the
eyes of the law, but back home, they are merely roommates. But they must return to Bethlehem, because
that is where there is hope, that is where there is salvation from the famine
spreading across the land.
Because Virginia is home. They may not have family there, but they will
nonetheless be surrounded by loved ones.
Their siblings in Christ will surround them with what they need most. Because in spite of everything I just told
you, there is Good News. There is always
Good News. We in the Church are, at the
end of the day, in the business of Good News, of Gospel.
And if you think the story
of Ruth and Naomi is a queer one, then I have something even better. Amy and Katie have a man in their lives. So do I, and I’m willing to bet some of you
do too. And, spoiler alert, it’s the
same guy. He’s old, but God Almighty
does he know what love looks like, and you can’t help but want to be like him,
a little more every day. Who is this polyamorous
stud to whom I refer? Come on, folks,
it’s not like I have to spell it out. I
know it’s not Sunday, but really. I’m
talking about none other than the one, the only, Jesus Christ. The story of Bethlehem didn’t end with Ruth
and Naomi, after all. That baby boy born
in a manger under a star grew up to be the very pinnacle of love. Just like our Old Testament couple, even
death couldn’t hold him down. May the
same be said of all of us, most especially those we are here to celebrate
today.
Love is a powerful thing
indeed. It makes the world go
‘round. It topples empires and builds up
the brokenhearted. And when you feel
like the whole world is against you, it’s the one thing you can depend on. Your love for one another, and for God, will
see you through.
As we heard from First
John, love is what will sustain you even when fear runs rampant. Perfect love drives out fear. And there’s a lot of fear back home. There are those who will question the love
you have. They will use fear and hatred
to convince you that what you are is wrong.
Politicians will debate around
you, pastors will preach against you, pious and righteous people will condemn
you. And they will be wrong.
Because fear and love are
not opposite sides of the same coin.
They are opposing forces of unequal power. They are not in balance, nor should they be. Fear comes from a place of weakness, of
darkness, producing hatred and misery.
But love, real love, true love, the kind of love I see when you smile at
one another? That comes from a place of
strength, of beauty, of perfection. That
spark of love may feel small, but it is more powerful than the collective fear
of every law, every misused biblical quotation, every hateful word that comes
against you.
And better yet, you are
not alone. And I don’t just mean the
community that will surround you, and hold you, and care for you – though we
will. When you love, you emulate God. In the act of loving one another, you become
love, perfect love. By doing so, you
abide in God, and drive out the fear that seeks to silence you and those like
you.
Don’t get me wrong, it
won’t be easy. I’m not going to pretend
that things aren’t still quite difficult for the LGBTQ community. It wasn’t that long ago that the United
Methodist General Conference voted to maintain its stance on homosexuality in
its Book of Discipline. Some rather
unkind words were said, to put it mildly.
We could not even agree to agree that we disagree. Not long after, North Carolina, just a hop,
skip, and a jump away from where we live and worship, decided by popular vote
to include a ban on same-sex marriage in the state constitution.
Sometimes it is those
closest to us that cause us the most pain.
Perfect love may cast out fear, but it is not a battle easily won. Sometimes fear wears the guise of love, and
good intentions pave that most dangerous road.
When the Bible is used against a group of people, it is simpler by far
to follow the path of the “love the sinner, hate the sin” mentality that
refuses to recognize the person as a whole.
To love is to live in God, and so love must never be compartmentalized.
Still, hope springs
eternal. In 2010, Dan Savage began the
“It Gets Better” project, which encourages LGBTQ teens across the globe with a
positive message of wholehearted acceptance and love through YouTube
confessional videos. On election day
2012, Maine, Maryland, and Washington approved same-sex marriage, also by popular
vote, and Minnesota kept a ban out of their constitution. Our own president even voiced his belief in
the freedom of all people to be married to the one they love.
Brothers, sisters, and
those in-between, love is winning. Day
by day, love is driving out fear. And
this beautiful, glorious day is another notch, a signpost for the world
pointing the way towards Perfect Love.
But Katherine and Amelia shouldn’t be congratulated simply for their
marriage. Ultimately, it is their love
we must applaud. It’s hard to love, and
easier by far to be afraid. That is why
love is the stronger contestant. It
takes guts to be that bold, no matter who you are. And that bold, courageous love is what will
change the world for the better.
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